Hi, and welcome to another episode of The Single Dad’s Guide to Fake News.  Last week, in our first edition of the Guide to Fake news, the tenth major news story promising to bring back Fitness Fridays For Fathers.  And I intend to do that this week, so this fell into the regular Wednesday slot of posts instead of the Friday slot it took up last week.  So if you are a bit confused saying, “this hasn’t been a week!!!” I am telling you why now.  And so the Guide puts the Fake News post into it’s now regularly scheduled time on Wednesdays.  As once again we bring back The Single Dad’s Guide to Fake News: Vol. 2.

What is the Single Dad’s Guide to Fake News do you ask?  For those of you who didn’t catch last weeks episode, you can catch it here.  But basically it boils down to the Guide taking the major news stories of the week, and giving it it’s own little twist.  We take the top 10 news stories of this past week (according to us and Google Trends) and “Kick them up a Notch” as Emeril would put it.  While the research of the stories is completely legitimate, the stories themselves are our own twists on the topics we are covering, hence the moniker, “fake news.”  And no matter what Donald Trump tries to tell you about CNN, our news is truly the fakest . . . or something like that.

But as you very well know, the longer it takes to explain a joke, the less funny the joke becomes.  And so I do not intend on making this joke unfunny before the ridicule about to begin.  Because that would be . . . ironic.  So without further ado, the Guide presents, “The Single Dad’s Guide to Fake News – Vol. 2.”

The Single Dad’s Guide To Fake News – Vol. 2

1)  NY Attorney General Does Donald Trump One Better.  He Believes He Can Smack A Woman Across The Face Without Repercussion!

Last week it was Charlie Rose trying to one up Mr. Harvey Weinstein as the world’s most creepy man.  Louis C.K. gave him a run for his money but I really thought it was plant abuse and so we took him out of the running for this award.  But this week, NY Attorney General Eric Schneiderman figured he needed to get in the game.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to beat Mr. Rose or Mr. Weinstein in overall creepiness.  So he figured he would get the runner up prize which was most creepy politician in New York.

After Donald Trump stated in a secretly recorded interview that he liked to grab woman in the private parts, Mr. Schneiderman figured he needed to top that.  So he started beating up the women he was sleeping with.  According to Mr. Schneiderman they were all consensual beatings.  Or something like that.  The fact the women patently denied this did not stop him from claiming they were liars.  And then resigning.  You choose who you think is the liar.

2) California Responds to Hawaiian Earthquake Championship by going,”Meh!”

If you recall last week, Hawaii was just announced as the winner of the Great Earthquake Championship.  Having over 600 earthquakes in four days does tend to give one a solid leg up on other competition.  California, the state most often predicted to have the big one without ever actually having a big one since 1906, thought about the championship of Hawaii for a while and then went, “meh!”  It couldn’t even get up the strength to have a real earthquake.  Its latest earthquake measured all of 4.5 on the richter scale.  That’s barely over half of what the big one is supposed to be at 8 or better.  Evidently, California is content with Hawaii being considered least safest state to live in.

3) Oliver North’s NRA Slogan- “First Iran, Then The U.S., And Finally The World!”

Oliver North was just recently named the head of the NRA. When asked what he was going to do next, he said, “The same thing we do every night, Pinky!  Try to take over the world.”  After such insignificant conquests, Oliver North, the first person who thought it was good to arm the Iranian regime before Mr. Kerry put his weapons dealings to shame, now believes he should arm the rest of the U.S. population.  Whether or not he feels like he should be doing this because he armed the people of Iran in the first place, no one can tell.  What we can say is you have to hand it to him for his consistency.  He believes every person should have a firearm.  Instead of universal basic income, or universal health care, he wants universal concealed carry permits.  Should be thrilling to see what happens next.  Ready!  Aim!

4)  Google Tells The Universe It Plans To Take Over The World.

Google, in a move to show it still is the tech giant of the universe, after the abysmal failure of automated driving cars, just displayed the latest in innovative technology, set to replace you as a human being.  First, the Google Home device will begin making automated phone calls for you.  Not only can it call your salon and book an appointment, but it can negotiate time and other details.

Then there is the new Gmail Autotype feature.  It’s one thing to have your phone autocorrect a word or two.  But it’s another thing for them to fill out entire sentences for you based upon one word.  It’s like its automated fill in the blank response were your lover trying to complete your sentences.  I wonder whether this means their AI will be added to all the latest in “romantic robots.” (For all of you adults out there, you understand the euphemism. But this is a PG-13 rated blog so shhhh!!!  Don’t tell the kids.)  Whatever the case, Google will soon be replacing your assistant, your driver, and eventually you.

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