Letting go of people is difficult. It forces us to face the finitude of life – the fact that things never continue forever. The only constant is change. That’s just the way the world is.
Unfortunately, many people struggle to move on. Before a crisis hits our relationships or someone dies, we think that letting go is easy. But, in fact, the opposite is often true. We’re not as detached as we think we are.
In this post, we take a look at some of the ways you can let people go and move on with your life. Nobody is saying that it’s an easy process, but it is one that is necessary for a happy and vibrant life.
Know When It’s Time
Many people never let go of their past relationships, remaining in a kind of time warp. The years go by, but their mental landscape never changes. They feel just as stuck in the past as they ever did.
The trick here, though, is to recognize when it’s time to move on. When a relationship ends, there’s no point continuing your inner life wishing it would continue. You accept the memories and experiences and then move forwards to something else. There’s no middle road.
Set Aside Your Limiting Beliefs
The next thing to do is to set aside your limiting beliefs. Many people struggle to move on from relationships because they have nagging thoughts that drag them down. They say things like:
- “I’m going to be alone forever”
- “I’ll never find anyone to replace the person I lost”
- “Nobody else would be capable of loving me”
These beliefs drag you down and, almost always, they are completely untrue. Try replacing them with more positive sentiments, such as:
- “The universe will reward me with the person of my dreams”
- “I can accept heartache and move on with my life”
- “I can still be happy right now, and in the future”
Statements like these retrain your brain to think more positively about its situation. You feel more open about what the future holds and what it has in store for you.
Take Time To Heal
Letting go of someone is a difficult and painful process. It’s hard because nobody, deep down, wants to say goodbye.
That’s why it is so important to take time to heal. Memorials can be of great benefit here if someone you love has died. They show that you honor their memory and always carry them with you in your heart.
Taking time to heal often means taking a step back from other areas of your life. Instead of filling your schedule with things that are just designed to keep you busy, do more activities that will build you up. Dedicate a week to being in nature or attend yoga class. Focus on your strength and connection with your body and nature. Heal from the inside out.
Don’t Use Social Media
Social media can be harmful at the best of times, but it is particularly damaging during times of grief. The last thing you want is people constantly reminding you of what’s happened online.
Instead, go through the grieving process like it’s the year 2000 all over again. If you need to chat with someone, telephone them. Allow other people to be there for you in your time of need. Switch off social media notifications on your phone.
Be Grateful About Life
Losing someone is never a pleasant experience, but it is also a prime opportunity to practice gratitude. If you can be happy about what you have right now, you can thrive in practically any situation.
The trick here is to let go of your expectations about life. If you can just go wherever the river takes you, you won’t cling to anything. People will come and go, but it won’t seem so bad. It’s all a part of the cosmic existence.
You can also focus your gratitude on what you gained from the relationship. Acknowledging the time that you had with another person is a great way to celebrate their life and everything that it stood for.
Be More Empathetic
When you’re in the process of letting someone go, try to see it from their perspective. Think about why they want to call it a day and what’s motivating them. When you see things from their point of view, it can actually help to reestablish a dialogue and keep the relationship happy and healthy.
Be Clear On Your Emotions
Mastering your emotions is vital for letting go of someone. If you hold onto bitterness, anger and resentment, it makes the process much harder and drawn out. What’s more, negative feelings can stay with you for life, impacting your daily happiness and wellbeing for years to come.
Failing to master your emotions can even lead to physical problems. For instance, people with anger issues tend to have more heart disease. Those who are prone to depression are much more likely to develop certain types of cancers.
The trick here is to catch yourself in the act of having a negative emotion and stop it. The more you can train your mind in this direction, the happier you will be.
Look for answers or reasons why you should move on. If the relationship was abusive, don’t just focus on the times when things were going well. Think through the situations that prompted you to consider the breakup in the first place.
Playing the blame game is all about avoiding closure. If you’re trying to pin the blame on another person, it means that the situation still matters to you and you’re trying to do everything you can to drag it out.
People who let go successfully don’t blame. Instead, they see the situation from a wider perspective. They understand the reasons why the relationship ended and how it fits into the broader trajectory of their lives. For them, anger and bitterness just represent wasted energy.
Lastly, you’ll want to focus on forgiving yourself. Even if losing someone was your fault, you don’t have to self-attack. Instead, just give the other person space. They may eventually return.