Being Crazy Is Not Being Comfortable

In the middle of my marriage, while attempting Graduate school, trying to raise a toddler and working full time while being attached to someone who mental illness would take down from time to time, I came to the realization it was I who was truly nuts.  It was one evening in the middle of making dinner after a long day at work I realized how truly insane things had become.  I had been working all day, would be cooking dinner, cleaning up a little around the house, sitting down to grad school work, some exercising, and doing job hunting before bed.  If I hit the sack before 2 a.m. it would be a miracle.  And then I would have to be up at 5:00 a.m. to get everything started again.   Relaxing was non-existent.  I knew I had to do something or I would crash.

Well . . . I crashed.  And then life took some insane turns from there.  Turns that I would rather forget.  I knew with separation and divorce from my spouse things were going to change.  And if I wanted to become a better person, I needed to change as well.  It didn’t matter who was to blame for our failed marriage.  I could only control what I could do.  And ultimately, I resolved to change, if only for the sake of my daughter.   I couldn’t afford to crash, and she couldn’t afford for me to crash either.

“Everything in moderation, nothing in excess,” people drilled into my age from a youth.  No one seems to listen though.  Not even me.  So I had pushed myself to every limit and then wondered why I started to make bad decisions.  All I needed was a big mirror and flashing headlights and I could have known.  And now at the crossroads of my life, I needed to change.  So I sought out balance.  I resolved to make better decisions in the future.  And most of all, I resolved to be able to relax and be comfortable in life.  This meant every day.  I started to find things that made me feel better about my day, relax, be present, and be ready for whatever life was going to throw at me.

The Parent's Guide To Being Comfortable

I know for you bloggers out there, especially the ones starting out who cannot afford to pay a virtual personal assistant yet, every day becomes a grind.   And you are laughing at me choosing to be involved in something that would be the opposite of relaxing.  I could easily let things get to me.  Between my forty hour a week job, trying to seek career advancement, creating new content, learning to code, becoming a graphic designer and marketing myself, I could get lost.   And on occasion, I have let myself become overwhelmed with how daunting a task it can be.  But then I take myself back to that time of insanity and start to remember what is important.  And then you find yourself able to relax internally, if not externally.

What is that magic secret you ask?  Well, it’s certainly not a Davidnator.  And while technology can be helpful, it generally does not reduce stress.  Reduction of stress is up to you.  I cannot make you be comfortable and destress.  But I do have eight keys to enable you to relax throughout your day, especially as the day begins to become a grind.


The Parent's Guide to Being Comfortable (1)8 Steps To Be Comfortable In Life Every Day

  • Goal Setting – 10 minutes

Sit down and try to think about the big picture in your life.  What direction do you want your life to take?  What things do you want in your future?  Whether this is planning a trip, saving for retirement or making sure you have money for your child’s college education, you should think about the positive direction you want your life to take.  Then you take steps to accomplish your long term future goals.  Feeling good about your direction will allow you to relax in the present.

When you don’t know where you are going in the future you will be lost, and totally stressed out.  Start thinking about future plans.  Just remember goal setting isn’t “pipe dream” setting.  It’s not talking about purchasing yourself that island or winning the lottery and trying to think about how you will spend the money.   Think about a realistic future that you want to see yourself in.

  • Take Time To Meditate and Be Present – 5 minutes

If you spend just a couple minutes at the beginning of each day and silence everything, life will be so much better.  This means shutting off your phone, turning off all music, and being perfectly still.  Then put your hands on your stomach and close your eyes.  After that, breathe.  Just breathe in and breathe out.  Focus on the sound of your breath.  Focus on the sounds going on around you.  See if you can recognize smells, or pick out faint sounds.  Then bring yourself to the sounds immediately in the room around you.  You will be more refreshed by this activity than you can possibly imagine.  If you have to do it before your kids get up, wake up five minutes early.  You will be grateful.

  • Spending Time Talking To Loved Ones – No Specified Time

For me, this is my daughter, but for you, it can be anyone close to you that you love.  Ask your loved ones some genuine questions about them.  Do not just ask “how are you?”  Dig deeper.  Find out what is going on in their lives.  And above all, listen.  Try to do less than 50 percent of the talking.  That might be hard for some of you.  It’s not always easy.  But being engaged with people you care about will bring positive emotions and allow you to relax.  And doing less of the talking means you aren’t constantly preoccupied with you.  That can be a welcome break indeed.

 

  • Listening To Relaxing Music – 30 minutes

Truly, the time listening to music does not have to be 30 minutes.  Do this whenever you have time.  Lose yourself in the beauty of the music.  (Unless you are driving when you do it, then LOOK AT THE ROAD!!!)  Be carried away to a much better place.  I know that for some, death metal relaxes them.  If that’s your thing, then listen.  But for me, I would take some classical music or a beautiful movie score and be carried away by the notes.  Just listening for a few moments can send me to distant lands, and better surroundings.  What’s more, music can be played anywhere.  And it brings down the stress level to almost any situation.  Whether driving, cleaning, working or winding down for the evening music puts you in a better mood.  So put some on.

  • Taking Time Out For “Me Time” – At Least 10 Minutes Per Day.

Those who don’t take time out for themselves are either masochists, or they are looking for congratulations, which makes the actions neither laudatory nor healthful.  I suppose there are legitimate reasons where your time fills up.  But when you get less me time, I guarantee you will be giving less of yourself to others.  Or you will be giving to others Mr./Ms./Mrs. Hyde.  I would prefer not to show others my dark side.  My Mr. Hyde is not pretty.  I would imagine the same could be said for you.  Even if those 10 minutes have to be inside a bathroom with the newspaper or you spend those minutes venting to your best friend, everyone needs time to recharge that is about them.  You will be better off getting it, and you will be able to give more to those around you when you have it.

  • Visualize Positive Outcomes In Your Life – Daily

Whatever may be going on in your life, you should be thinking about how things will turn out positively for you.  When you focus on how things will turn out positively it will be easier to see your way to positive outcomes in your life.  Positivity tends to attract positivity.  Negativity will do the same.  Aside from that fact, when you focus on how things will go well for you, you will more easily find those things that will see you through tough situations.  And as far as being comfortable, when you focus on positive things your body naturally relaxes.  When you fixate on negative things, your body tenses up.  You use far more muscles and waste far more energy frowning than smiling.

 

  • Writing Lists To Stay Organized – 10 Minutes A Day

For some of you, you are stressing out thinking about writing lists.  The very idea of writing a list sends chills down the back of your spine as you begin to sweat.  How can writing a list help?  When the thing you do to make you relax becomes a task, then it doesn’t reduce stress.  But let me break down the positive here.    I’m talking about breaking down large tasks into component parts.  This helps structure the nuts and bolts of your day.  I am talking about giving yourself reasonable time to complete the tasks in front of you.

If all those tasks overwhelm your day, you might need to ask if something is necessary.  Sending your child to piano lessons, followed by ballet class, tutoring and then finishing with a night time judo class, will not help your child.  And it’s not necessary.  Teaching our kids balance is important for them.  So why keep pushing ourselves until it overwhelms us?  Use this writing list time to determine necessary items from wish list items and proceed appropriately.

  • Comfortable Attire – Wear Daily

For those of you who go to work at the dead-end job with the polyester uniform that makes your skin crawl from head to toe, I know you are wondering how you can do that.  But even in such a job, you have the opportunity to wear comfortable undergarments. Even comfortable underwear can make you feel so much more relaxed.  Picking out something like these briefs will make you feel comfortable underneath your clothes.   And for those who get to choose what they wear to work, find a nice comfortable suit, suitable dress, or whatever is appropriate for work and make it as comfortable as possible.

I know some of you feel stressed out enough by work such that you feel like you are working in an insane asylum.  Do not enhance the effect by wearing clothing that makes you feel like you are wearing a straight jacket.  Comfortable clothes allow you to feel comfortable and relaxed wherever you are.  Life stresses you out enough.  Comfortable clothing is your first line of defense against that stress.

 


The Parent's Guide to Being Comfortable-Continue The Conversation

I know that I wrote about being relaxed in the past.  But those were larger things that you could do to help you relax and be comfortable in life.  Most days you do not have time out for massages, museums or road trips.  So I wanted to write a list of things you could do daily that would be of great help to find comfort throughout your day.  Many days feel like a grind and I was hoping I could help you find a little levity in yours.

As I put this list together, I could not help but think of this Jimmy V speech he gave as he was battling and eventually would succumb to cancer.  I think it’s very reflexive of the things that will help you in being comfortable in life and feeling more human each and every day.  Take a look at if you have never heard it before.  It’s worth the watch.  Incredibly inspiring.

So in your “daily grind” what things do you do to make yourself feel comfortable?  What things can you do for ten minutes a day that help you to relax? What things make you feel good each day?  And what are the things that you avoid if you want to feel comfortable?

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Thank you for stopping by.

Until next time, this is me signing off.

David Elliott, Single Dad’s Guide to Life

 

***This Blog post was written in order to join in a conversation around comfort. While it includes links to other sites, all opinions about products, goods or services are strictly my own. This post is not sponsored and I was not compensated.**