Fitness Week 12 – Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, a very long time ago, in the land of Davidville (a suburb of Fitness), there was a handsome prince (no comments from the peanut gallery please), who lived in a big castle with his mother and father, on the edge of a deep, dark wood.  (I can dream can’t I?)  This prince lived every day playing and having fun with his friends, and his trusty dog Rex.  (I can’t tell you the real dog’s name to protect the innocent: me) There were good days and there were bad days, but he knew that everything would be alright.  But parents cannot be there for you all the time. And his had to go on a long extended business trip to make sure they could keep their castle and the land which was so important to them.

While away, our young hero decided that he would go out into the edge of the wood to frolic.  (Read play, sew wild oats, make mischief, etc.). He had been told many times not to go into the deep dark wood, but it was so tempting and inviting that he could not help himself.  While in the woods he ran across many ghosts.  When he met them, he thought that they were women.  But it turned out that they were only there to haunt the souls of the men who frolicked in their area of the woods.  He didn’t realize it, but this was why he was warned not to go into the woods.

Hero Meet Enchantress

With every ghost that he met, the prince found that he was losing a bit of his own essence.  He was being robbed of life’s little pleasures.  And his trusty dog Rex was getting old and could no longer look after him.  No longer was he the happy-go-lucky soul who played on the edge of the wood.  He was now slowly becoming a ghost.  Our prince knew that he needed to do something.  He knew that he needed to find the Enchantress to save him.  He had only heard tales of the enchantress from his friends.  But she lived at the very heart of the forest.  But before he became entirely spirit himself, the prince seized the moment and a large bag of lunch and headed off into the wood to find her.  (So a guy gets hungry!)

When he finally reached the center of the wood, he found a little cottage with a large gatekeeper standing at the doorway.  He was a little afraid of the gatekeeper, but as he approached he noticed he was kindly of face, and pleasant of spirit.   He spoke of the many perils of life, but deep down the prince saw a kindred spirit.  After a few moments conversation, the prince asked to be let inside.

Beware The Enchantress

At once, the gatekeeper’s face darkened to the color of coal as the smile that was on his lips vanished.

“Beware all men who enter here!  For all men who enter here only leave as ghosts!”

“But I thought that the enchantress could protect men from becoming ghosts,” The prince replied.

All at once a green substance floated from the cottage and into the nostrils of the gatekeeper.  (Ewwww!!!) His face changed back into a smile.  But this time his eyes had no light and he stared blankly forward.

“Oh yes, the enchantress can protect men from becoming ghosts,” he answered.  “She is ready to see you now.”

The prince paused for a moment and then looked at the skin of his hands.  It was becoming translucent.  There was no turning back.  So he stepped past the gatekeeper and through the wooden door into the cottage.  Inside he was struck by a bright light that he had to wince to see past.   He was entranced and could hardly speak.

I Know Why You Are Here

“Enchantress, I know you see all things, at least I am told as much,” the prince began.  “I am in fear that I am becoming a ghost and I do not want to be so.  My parents will be returning and I am afraid that they would never return once they found a ghost haunting the walls of their castle.  What can I do?”

“You are very wise to come to me,” the Enchantress began.  ” I can see all things.  And my knowledge is endless.  I know why you are here.  You must go on a quest.  It begins by running up the Mountains of Knowledge and down through the Valley of Fitness up to the Gates of Cardio and behind those gates you must drink from the Chalice of Weightlifting in order to be healed from this curse.”

The prince had heard rumors of said gate.  But they were rarer than rumors of the Enchantress. He looked back at her trying to see past the light but it was continuously blinding. “Is there any other way?  Can I do anything else,” the prince questioned.

“Marry my daughter,” the Enchantress replied.

The prince pondered about it for a second and saw a young maiden standing in the corner past the Enchantress.  She was pleasing to the eye.  And despite his complete lack of knowledge about her or the Enchantress motive’s he agreed to marry her.

Wedded Bliss?

The prince got his servants and friends together and put together a wedding as quickly as possible.  He knew that he could not delay.  And on the day of the marriage, the prince was the happiest soul in the world.  He felt like he was no longer a ghost but becoming an adult.

The Enchantress came with the gatekeeper and their friends.  The small ceremony was glorious.  All of the prince’s friends were there as were some of his royal subjects.  There was a glow to the whole day until the moment the prince said, “I do.”  Immediately lightning struck the castle that the prince resided in and a fire broke out.

The prince turned to look at the Enchantress questioningly.  The glow disappeared from the Enchantress form and before the prince stood a haggardly looking witch with a black pointy hat and a large wart protruding from her lips.  It was weird.  She grabbed at the gatekeeper and they vanished from the proceedings.  The prince turned to look at his new bride and as the lightning struck again, the enchantress haggard form flashed across her face.  But it disappeared quickly and she went back to looking like the young maiden.

And as he took the maiden by the hand, the prince hoped that he could still have his happily ever after.  He looked at his hands as they flashed solid, then translucent, and finally solid again.  He didn’t know whether at that moment his heart was filled with hope or dread.  Finally, he took the hand of his new princess and entered the castle walls.

The Moral Of The Story

Wait! You say!  You skipped what was going to happen next!  What happened when the prince got married?  Did he find his happily ever after?  What of the young maiden?  What happened when his parents returned?  And finally, what in the world have I been drinking and can you have some of it?  Because how we got from fitness week to Princes and Enchantresses, you know I must be on something good.

The prince got married, had a kid, his wife berated him every day for his health.  And then when he tried to change his ways and be healthy, she berated him for that too.  And every day thereafter he turned more into a ghost than he ever was.  The maiden, who turned into the very image of her witch mother, kidnapped his child and ran away.  And by the time his family came back to find him, he was haunting the castle, only a shell of his former self.  And he lived happily ever after.  Ummmmm…. not!

And the moral of the story?  Don’t skip too many steps on your way to fitness.  You gotta put in the work to be yourself.  Nothing good comes easy.  And never trust a woman who glows and has a goofy gatekeeper.  Just saying!  Nothing good ever comes.


Fitness Week 12 Part Deux

It’s fitness week twelve.  Obviously, you can see that I have been having a strange week given everything I have written up to now.  Or maybe it’s just the conversation I had with a fellow blogger that put me in a mood.  Not a bad mood.  Just a weird one.  But I am going to give a shout out to her.  I haven’t done this before, so it’s a first.  Here’s to you, Brandi! The Musings of Brandi Kennedy. She’s a good person, and definitely worth a read.  Good people are good people.

How Did I Do?

OK!  On to the fitness.  How in the world did I do this week? And what gremlin, goblin, or other demon prevented me from getting to my goals.  Between the great DST, Leprechauns, and Tooth Fairies there has seemed to be a never-ending supply of things that have come up as road blocks.  But I am not going to give myself an out this time.  While I did have some residual issues (can we say a second round of antibiotics for my tooth anyone?), what I did get done and what I did not get done is all on me.  So here it is, all laid out there:

6 Times At The Gym Or Other Activity –

I made four this week.  It would have been nicer if my daughter was feeling better this last weekend and then I might have made five or six.  But she was really overtired from a school camp that she went to.  So by the time she came back I figured it was best to make everything low key.  I know she really needed a weekend like that and she got it.  This meant playing catchup throughout the week. So I feel like four wasn’t all that bad.  It even used to be my standard fitness goal.  But it’s still not six.  So I will be off today to make six again.  We shall see.

Eight Glasses Of Water Per Day –

I think I would have to say it was an average and not an absolute.  In other words, I didn’t do the eight every day.  Some of the days I did nine or ten so things balanced out.  I know it’s not exactly what I wanted.  But I think it’s improvement from the beginning when I had been doing two, or even four. This is a challenge especially on the days where I do not do a lot of walking or make it to the gym.  Exercise increases my ability and desire to drink water.  Without it, water makes me feel like I am a big balloon ready to be popped.  Or for those of you who have done the “fake Sumo Wrestling” in those large body suits, it’s something like that.  For me, more exercising equals more water. And  that equals better health.  Now give me a chocolate donut!

Counting Calories –

For this, I would say that I have been very cognizant of what I have been putting in my mouth.  In some instances, it has meant an increased desire to cook at home.  But my main problem there is that usually, I have no idea what the calorie amounts of my foods are. I know what they are when I go out because these places are required to list it. But at home?  Not a clue!  Unless I make myself a sandwich. Here’s to sandwiches.  I would say I am averaging about 2000 calories per day. This would be great if I were just trying to maintain.  But as I want to lose, I am going to have to drop that by about 400.  That’s only one little piece of meat.  That should be easy. Right?  Right?  Placate me here!

Grade For the Week: B

In some ways, I was thinking about giving myself a B+ for the week because I did better than last week.  But definitely not an A because I would have had to meet my goals in order to feel like I deserved that.  However, I kept it at a B because I realized that part of the fitness grade last week was the understanding that I was dealing with tooth issues.  I know I had some tooth stuff come up this week, but not like the previous week where I needed gauze in my mouth to soak up stuff. (This is gross but at least I didn’t get graphic. And I  could have.  Be thankful!) This is a real B.  I really earned it and some person did not take pity on me.  So that makes me feel good.  Earning the grade is not a bad thing.

Next Weeks Goals:

Same 6 Times At The Gym Or Day Trips

8 Glasses Of Water

Counting Calories

7 Hours of Sleep Per Night

I realize that this last one is an addition.  Adding things now and then is important.  I think that it’s an important addition for my health. And it will inspire me to do more exercising.  Less sleep means less energy and less drive to do the things I want and need to do.  So this week it’s on my goal list to remind me of what I am needing to do.


Continue The Conversation

People always tell themselves stories to make meaning of their lives.  Whether they are true or not is not always the point. It’s how the person constructs their lives in order to make sense of it somehow.  So I am curious, what kinds of stories do you tell yourself about your life?  And I would also love to know how things are progressing for you in your own journeys to health and fitness.  Hearing from you inspires me, as I hope I can be an inspiration to you.  So please comment and let me know how things are going.

And if you liked this blog, feel free to catch me here a few times a week.  And definitely, follow me on my blog by subscribing.  Email subscribers get access to my exclusive Dad Rules content.

Thanks again for stopping by.  Until next time, this is me signing off.

David Elliott, Single Dad’s Guide to Life

Other Fitness Posts

Week 0: Not Another Fitness Blog

First Week: Week One

Second Week: Two Down. Nineteen To Go.

Third Week: Forced Reboot

Fourth Week: I Just Adore Four

Fifth Week: Give Me A Five!

Sixth Week: The Great DST Conspiracy

Seventh Week: Not Quite Heaven

Eighth Week: Lucky 8?

Ninth Week: Dressed To The Nines

Tenth Week: This One Goes To Eleven

Eleventh Week: Tooth Wars